Question: Any tips for a family recently divorced/divorcing - any good books or resources to help
find positive ways to keep communication open for everyone? Answer: From Kids health These suggestions can make the process less painful for kids, teens, and families. Parents will need to interpret them in their own ways; honesty, sensitivity, self-control, and time itself will help the healing process. Be patient — not everyone's timetable is the same. Encourage kids to openly discuss their feelings — positive or negative — about what's happening. It's important for divorcing — and already divorced — parents to sit down with their kids and encourage them to say what they're thinking and feeling. But you'll need to keep this separate from your own feelings. Most often, children experience a sense of loss of family and may blame you or the other parent — or both — for what is going on in their lives. So, you'll really need to be prepared to answer questions your kids might raise or to address their concerns. Make talking about the divorce and how it's affecting your kids an ongoing process. As kids get older and become more mature, they might have questions or concerns that they hadn't thought of earlier. Even if it seems like you've gone over the same topics before, keep the dialogue open. If possible, sit down with the other parent and plan how you're going to talk to your child or children about what is going on. Keep adult conflict and arguments away from the kids. This is one of the hardest things to do. But it's important never to say bad things about your ex in front of your kids, or within earshot. You'd be surprised at how good kids can be to picking up on these things. Research shows that the single biggest factor in long-term adjustment for kids of divorce is the level of parental conflict they are exposed to. It puts kids in really difficult positions if they want to or have to take sides, or listen to negative things said about one of their parents. Try not to use kids as messengers or go-betweens, especially when you're feuding. Even though it is tempting, don';t use your kids as messengers. There are plenty of other ways to communicate with your ex-partner. Also, resist questioning your child about what is happening in the other household — kids resent it when they feel that they're being asked to "spy" on the other parent. Wherever possible, communicate directly with the other parent about relevant matters, such as scheduling, visitation, health issues, or school problems.' Expect resistance and difficulties as kids adjust to a new mate or the mate's kids. New relationships, blended families, and remarriages are among the most difficult aspects of the divorce process. A new, blended family can add more stress for a while, and can cause another period of adjustment. Keeping lines of communication open, allowing one-on- one time for parents and kids, and watching for signs of stress can help prevent problems developing. Figure out how to reduce stress in your life to help your family. Support from friends, relatives, church and religious groups, and organizations such as Parents Without Partners can help parents and their kids adjust to separation and divorce. Kids can meet others who've developed successful relationships with separated parents and can confide in each other. Getting support can help parents find solutions to all kinds of practical and emotional challenges.
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Question: With the Holidays coming - any tips for keeping the whole family (parents and kids alike) calm with all the busyness and change in routine (and sugar).
Answer: We came across a blog recently, and below are 5 tips to getting through the holidays. 1. Remember that the only thing you can control is the way you react. No family is perfect, no partner is perfect, children are not perfect. I can almost guarantee that not everything will go as you plan it so try to start out with lower expectations. Know going in to the situation that there will be bumps and mess-ups and then it won’t be as devastating when these things happen. 2. Try to stick to as normal a schedule as possible. Kids still need structure and routine, it makes them feel safe and secure. Letting things go over the holidays may cause the kids (and you) to act ‘out of sorts’. . 3. Get some air when things get to be too much – or some silence in the bathroom, the basement, laundry room – where ever you can escape for a few minutes. 4. Keep your expectations realistic – No family is like the ones you see on those wonderful Christmas movies, no Christmas is like that either. Talk to your children and tell them your plans each day – this will help them know what to expect. 5. Try to enjoy yourself – don’t try to do too much. Spread out the ‘traditional’ activities, try not to do them all on Christmas Day. Ask your kids to pick two things they’d like to do, and let go of the ones that aren’t mentioned. You’ll enjoy the ones you keep much better. *This blog originally appeared here on “Being Beautifully Bipolar” on PsychCentral.com in 2013. Other thoughts were added to each point for the purpose of this reply. Now... just a bit on sugar – and ‘sugar highs’ Dr. Mark Wolraich, chief of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics at Oklahoma University Health Sciences Center, researched sugar's effect on children in the 1990s. Basically, there is no such thing as a sugar high. “Sugar is often the main attraction at birthday parties, on Halloween and other occasions when children are likely to bounce off the walls. But all that energy is the result of the kids being excited, not from the sugar in their systems, he said. The misconception comes from the idea that increased blood sugar levels translate into hyperactive behavior. It's true that someone with low blood-sugar levels (known as having hypoglycemia) can get an energy boost from drinking a sugar-filled drink. But it's a different story if someone has a sugary treat when he or she doesn't have low blood sugar. "The body will normally regulate those sugars. If it needs it, it will use the energy," Wolraich said. "If it doesn't need it, it will convert it to fat for storage." So... if you have a donut when your blood sugar level is already just fine, those extra sugars may be converted into fat.” Our advice for the sugar consumption holidays ... limit sugar as best you can – as you always do - and get them outside and moving as much as you can. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow ☺ |
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