Question: I would love to know how to Foster Healthy Adult-Child Attachment at School and at Home.
4 VIllages says: Children need adults to be reliable, caring and consistent when they are caring for them. Children learn to take care of themselves only as well as an adult cares for them. Healthy attachments develop as children’s needs are met consistently and reliably, and this helps them see the world as responsive and caring. This leads children to a sense of security and well-being that is critical in early development. To develop a healthy attachment to your child – try the following tips. ✔ Always make Eye Contact with the child ✔ Smile and Talk to Your Child often ✔ Express Warmth and Touch at every opportunity possible ✔ Be Sensitive and Responsive to your child ✔ Get in Tune with Your Child ✔ Follow Your Child’s Lead in Play ✔ Read Together often ✔ Avoid Overstimulation Strategies that will Foster a Helathy attachment • Make yourself available. Young children can rely on you and come to trust you only if you are present. Try to make sure you are fully engaged in being available to your children when with them, not just a warm body that is present. • Increase your knowledge and experience interacting with young children. Building healthy attachment requires knowledge and experience. Find opportunities to be around children by volunteering in child care/school settings, attending play or social groups, going to interactive classes with your child, etc. Pay attention to their likes, needs, desires and behaviors. Also, ncrease your knowledge by taking classes, reading books, watching videos or otherwise learning about healthy parent-child relationships. • Be attentive to your child’s cues. Focus on your childs’ cues – recognizing that care or comfort is needed. Then interpreting those cues and responding in a way that comforts or helps the child. • Provide a quick, consistent response to your child’s needs or cues. Children learn to trust when someone responds promptly and consistently to their needs, especially during the first years of life. • Express warm, positive and caring responses as you interact with children. That extra word of reassurance, the caring touch or hug – these shape a child’s experience of security. Be nurturing. Be understanding. You should give children love, affection and touch abundantly as you interact with them. • Respond to children being “in tune” with their cues. Parents need to respond appropriately to a child’s signals. • Follow your children’s lead and cooperate with them in how they try to play or interact, rather than forcing them to follow your own desires for interaction. Cooperate with children when they make efforts to interact and follow their lead. Provide opportunities for interaction, but don’t take the lead. You can start it off, but let the child go with it. Pay attention to your children’s actions and “mirror” them, cooperating with them as you play or help them. • Avoid over-stimulating your child as you interact. Pick up to their cues that they have had enough. Look for the signs of them losing interest in the play, and then end it. Parents need to understand that attachment challenges may result from a variety of factors, including: • Temperament of the child • Prenatal or birth trauma (low birth weight, extended time in medical care, fetal alcohol syndrome, etc.) • Significant family trauma (divorce, death, etc.) • Poor family modeling for parents (parents in childhood had poor attachments themselves, etc.) • Troubled or hostile home environment These and other factors may significantly interfere with healthy attachment forming. All parents and caregivers should consider the possible influence of such factors in their own adult-child relationships. For more information of building healthy attachment, please see https://www.ag.ndsu.edu/pubs/yf/famsci/fs631.pd
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Question: We would love to learn more about the Bystander - what can my child do if they witness Bullying? And what if your child is being bullied - how do you help them know if it 'is' bullying - vs. someone just making a bad choice/having a bad day (is there a good way to help kids understand that not every 'mean' act is bullying -that it could be something else)? Any resolution techniques for kids?
ANSWER (4 Villages Says): Here are some ways to help stop bullying when you see it: (From Kids Help Phone) Speak up. Examples of things you can say include: • “A teacher is coming!” (Even if this isn’t true, it can create a distraction that breaks up the bullying situation.) • “That’s mean!” (If you show disapproval others are likely to agree with you.) • “Stop – you’re going to get in trouble!” (Reminding the person that what they are doing is against school rules can be a good discouragement.) • “Why is everyone standing around watching this? Let’s leave!” (Bullying behaviour is reinforced by those who passively watch, so ask others to leave with you.) Provide an escape for the person being bullied. For example: • “Let’s get out of here.” (Inviting the person to leave with you is a powerful way to show support and provide an escape from the situation.) • “Mrs Carter has been looking for you. She wants you to go see her.” (Inventing a reason why the person being bullied needs to leave is another good way to help them get out of harm's way.) Other ways you can help: • If you feel safe, talk to the person who is bullying privately, and ask them what's going on. Let them know you’re aware of the bullying and that it's not OK. • If you see someone being bullied on their Facebook wall or other online space, leave a message saying that you think comments like that aren't OK. • Tell a teacher, administrator, or other adult you trust if you are afraid for your safety or someone else’s. It’s not tattling if you’re trying to keep someone safe. If someone is being physically harmed, you can call the police or 911. • Support the person being bullied after the situation is over. For example, you can ask them how they're doing, or remind them that it wasn't their fault. Here are some things to keep in mind about bullying: • 87% of Canadian students in Grades 8-10 reported witnessing school bullying in the past year. • 60% of the time, bullying stops in less than 10 seconds when bystanders intervene. • Bullying makes everyone in a school or community feel less safe. • Effects of bullying on bystanders can include depression, anxiety, changes in sleep patterns, and loss of interest in friends, family, and hobbies. The more severe the bullying, the more severe the effect on witnesses, too. |
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